Style & Self doubt
With trying to find your style comes self doubt.
What the hell is style and how do I get it? But some people do just get it, right? Everyone knows someone. They start to draw and everything looks great - it all just fits. How did you do that? How did you think of that? They'll just start to draw and viola! Style! (Are you sick of this word yet? Because I am).
Throughout school and even into my degree the way I drew was constantly criticised. "It doesn't look close enough to real life" Okay. I'll start drawing everything as I see it - but then, "It looks too much like a cartoon?" I distinctly remember giving up drawing in high school because my art teacher told me to leave it out, "let's forget about drawing, shall we?" When I got to university I thought things would be different, and they were - don't get me wrong I'm not saying any criticism isn't good criticism, but man did it drag my confidence down. In life drawing classes I drew limbs as shapes rather than accurate representations, but this was frowned upon. During my final year a tutor told me that my work was "too juvenile and if you were a boy, I would tell you to grow up." It's a struggle trying to work yourself out, when it feels like people are constantly tearing you down, but push through and listen. Sure, I probably sat in a corner and weeped for a couple of hours after each of these comments but they helped me grow.
Often I have fears of becoming irrelevant, drowning in a pool of ever growing illustrators (is there honestly anything more terrifying than each July when you know an amazing, talented, fresh batch of illustrators is about to join the world free from their degree?) and not being able to evolve in the way that I want. These thoughts are on a continuous loop in my head. Each dry spell between commissions is riddled with anxiety and fear; "I've fallen out of fashion, my style wasn't durable enough - crap." I've had it said to me enough times that I'm beginning to believe it, a popular one is "She's doing well but it won't last, it's just because her style is "in" right now." All every illustrator wants is to be distinct - I don't feel like I am yet, but I'm trying and I won't stop. I want the world to see me in a particular way but as I grow, constantly re-working myself it becomes confusing. My style isn't the same as it was half a year ago, and although I'm glad, I worry in case that lowers my appeal. Why can't I just figure this whole thing out? Why haven't I found a visual language that I am 100% happy with yet?
From the get go there's an immediate pressure to get "there" wherever there is - how do I want people to perceive me? What do I like? More importantly what do they like? Wait. No. It's not about them, it's about me. I need to figure this out on my own; but that person gets 400 likes on one post and I only get 20. They have a muted palette and lots of white space - maybe that's my style? I've always loved white space? Close Instagram, put the phone down and STOP! Focus on yourself. The biggest advantage you have over anybody else is that you're you. Sure, you aren't David Doran or Lynnie Zulu quite yet and you probably never will be, but who cares - you shouldn't. Think about what stimulates you, what colours make you tick or what features you like best on a person and extenuate the goddamn hell out of them. Like trainers? Then heck, draw a shitload of trainers and rock it, get known as the best shoe illustrator on the planet. I've wasted so much time comparing myself to other people and wondering what corner of their brain they used to get that idea when really what I should've been doing is figuring out what I'm all about and what I want to achieve. Besides, art directors are aware of all the "greats," so why bother copying when you could become one yourself?
Style is hard, and whether it takes you two weeks, two months or two years you will get there - just stop scrolling through Instagram, caring about likes and do it for yourself.
Ps. The response to this blog so far has been wonderful and I'm so happy so many of you enjoyed my first post! I hope this interests you in one way or another!